Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Ok, With My Last Post Said and Done...

I am not done riding yet. I didn't post this information yet because I have family members who read this blog and I didn't want to worry them until it was too late. I know Halifax was to be our end goal, but I have decided I am not quite ready to pack it up and go back to Chicago. When Ira began talking about how ready he was to go home and proposed a shortcut to get to Halifax by skipping Prnce Edward Island, I realized how done Ira felt about this trip. I really wanted to go to P.E.I and I didn't want to give it up, however, I knew Ira wanted to be done. It opend up a new idea in my head. So we took the shortcut to Halifax. Ira's plan remains to fly out of Halifax for Chicago on July 7. However, tomorrow, July 5th, I will start my ride back to the Midwest alone.

Why am I doing this? Will I be safe alone on the road? Am I totally crazy?

There are many different reasons why I need to do this. I felt as though flying out of Halifax would not be true closure for me. I don't have to be back at any particular time for a job (unlike Ira, who needs to be back by mid-late July to get his job back). I've proven to myself I was capable of doing this in a team effort environment with Ira, but I feel it is important for me to have this experience on my own; to prove I am capable of handling the road alone.

Every time I write the word alone, I can feel certain relatives and friends shiver. I know I will be causeing extra worry to my friends and family by doing this. However, I have to live my life on my own terms. I feel like I need to do this. I know I will have to do things differently then when Ira and I were together. I will need to have my street smart head on all the time. I feel confident, after living in Chicago for almost 10 years, and constantly navigating the city alone, I can handle this. I just need to be smart and keep my eyes open. One thing I realized over the past year on the road is that 98% of the people you meet are good people. Sure there are always that 2% you need to be wary of, but you would need to be wary of them anywhere. I am a firm believer that if something bad is going to happen to you, it will happen no matter where you are. Sure I can hear some of you saying, "yes maybe but your risks rise dramatically of getting hit by a car if you walk out into the middle of the road, then if you just stay on the sidewalk." While this is also a good point, I can not let it deter me from my decisions.

Ira and I are not breaking up. My wanting to do this has nothing to do with my not wanting to be with him, I just want to try this on my own. He knows this is something I feel strongly about. He knows this pretty well by now, as he has tried to argue me out of doing it and has lost each argument (lost it in my mind anyway). He is reconcilled and is supportive of me because he knows I can do it. Besides his initial worry about my safty is the worry that my family is going to be pissed at him for letting me do this. He is concerned people will think he is abbandoning me. I told him, I feel as though my family knows me pretty well and understands how headstrong I am. Once I make a decision, I go for it. So any of you who are reading this...don't get mad at Ira, ok?

I am a control freak thusly I like having complete control over my own life. I need to live on my own terms and not on others. This is something I feel strongly about. If something bad happens (which could have happened at any time before or during this trip) I'll accept the consequences of my actions, and I hope my loved ones understand this. Although I really don't like this song or Frank Sinatra all that much (or the guidos who sing this song every week at karaoke) I do want to look back on my life and know "I did it myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

(God what a cheesy way to end that post. oh well)

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